No I am not dead and no I haven’t really given up on blogging or Twitter. I just took an unexpected long break from the computer for several reasons. One of which is the fact that I had so many changes to make and not much time in the limits I had set. Second, I am really getting tired of computers and they mostly just upset me here lately. I used to play video games for hours on end but that has all chenged here recently. Most of the reason being that my real life is much better now then it use to be so I don’t have to rely on games to make me feel better. I have to say though, that I still have had a few really down times here lately. Mostly due to this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and the need for social contact or more. As of right now, I still don’t have any friends except for the ones I have online. And that bothers me a lot, to think I spend everyday just doing what needs to be done with no socialization at all. I mean, I have my dad and step-mom to talk to but thats not like someone to really be a friend. I am trying so hard to get over my social anxiety disorder, but it is still not going as well as I had hoped for.

My counselor has been asking me a few more questions about my life and my history that really had caused me to feel even worse at times. Bringing up things in my past that I had tried to suppress for so many years. One of which is the constant denial of friends by my grandparents when I was growing up. I was never allowed to have friends because they always found something wrong with them and so I was forbidden to see/talk to them ever again. I spent pretty much all my life in my room and only got out to go to school or to try and spend a weekend or so with other family members. I would bring up things in my past that I had never really considered to be bad really, but my counselor would say that such and such is not normal and it’s not right. So then my mind would be constantly going over every second of my life and picking out those such moments. I was doing this till I was so depressed from the way my life had been, that I ended up seriously depressed yet again. But now I realize that I can’t and won’t keep that up, and I will just focus on the future and not look back on the bad times.

Just a note: I will be finishing my import of my old blog posts in the near future, hopefully tonight, so posts may show up from long ago in the timeline of my blog. Sorry

~Jen

As of this morning my name is legally Jennifer Ann Basham, and I no longer have to deal with that old horrible name. The judge was awesome and so friendly. She approved my name change after answering like 4 questions and then she said congratulations on your new name and good luck with your new life.

*tears*

I was so happy and I went out of the courtroom to go and grab my copies when I burst into tears and me, my dad and my step-mom had a big family hug that just felt so wonderful. Moments like this mean the world and this is one of many so far, and to come, that you will never forget. As soon as we left the courthouse in Shoreline, I mailed the paperwork off to the licensing department so I could get my ID card changed. Thankfully I had a letter from a couple of my doctors to request the gender marker change too, yay. Plus I am going to be stopping by the local Social Security office to drop off the paperwork for that to be changed too, since I already have all of it filled out and ready.

Life is so wonderful, I mean it!

So tonight I decided to finally get my piercings done. I stopped by “Slave To The Needle” here in Ballard which is just right up at the corner from where I live. They are all so nice and they really have great personalities. So now my ear lobes and my left nostril are pierced, and I plan on getting a tattoo and at least two more piercings eventually. I have the tattoo picked out and I have a really good idea of where I want the next piercings. I love life so much now!

So I passed my stress test and I am finally able to start the last of the hormones which is the Estrogen. He has prescribed me “Estradiol” and I am so happy and excited. This is one of the happier moments in my life and one I will not forget for a long time to come.

As for the rest of my transition, I am making progress on my wardrobe and makeup. My voice is still shaky at best but it is perfectly passable on the phone so that is a good sign. Now if I could just get those results in face-to-face meetings, I would be even happier. But this all takes time and I am in no rush to push it all to fast, patience is a virtue they say.